How to Get Fit: Because Who Wants to be Unfit Anyway?

People trying different workouts to get fit

Alright, so you’ve looked in the mirror and decided that your sedentary lifestyle, powered by a diet of potato chips and soda, might not be the best way to achieve that magazine-cover body you’ve secretly (or not-so-secretly) always wanted. And let’s face it, dragging your sweatpants out of the drawer and dusting off that old gym membership card might be the hardest workout you’ve done in months. But fear not! For I bring you the ultimate, unmissable, 100% guaranteed (results may vary) guide on how to get fit.

1. Find a Workout that Makes you Want to Cry (or Laugh, It’s All Cardio):

Every fitness journey starts with choosing the right workout. Some say yoga is their jam because who doesn’t want to twist themselves into a pretzel? Others believe in the magic of running – personally, I only run if something’s chasing me, and even then, it depends on what it is. The trick is to find a workout you hate the least. Remember, if you’re not contemplating your life choices halfway through, you’re probably not doing it right.

You will find more workout ideas below.

2. Dress for Success (and By Success, I Mean Sweat):

Do you know what can motivate you to workout more than a personal trainer yelling in your ear? Cute workout clothes. Invest in outfits so vibrant that you’d be spotted from space. If nothing else, you’ll look great while you’re gasping for breath.

3. Adopt a Healthy Diet – It’s Not as Scary as It Sounds:

Alright, put down the deep-fried butter stick and hear me out. Eating healthy doesn’t mean you have to graze on kale 24/7 or cut out chocolate entirely (because let’s face it, that would be a crime against humanity). It’s more about balance. For every donut you consume, maybe consider a carrot? Just a thought.

4. Celebrate the Small Wins (Yes, Lifting the TV Remote Counts):

Did you take the stairs today? Pat yourself on the back! Skipped on that third slice of cake? You rockstar! Every little thing counts. Soon, you’ll find yourself celebrating more “traditional” wins like completing a 5K run or doing 10 push-ups without collapsing into a puddle of despair.

5. Surround Yourself with “Supportive” Friends:

You know, those friends who will gently remind you of your fitness goals by sending passive-aggressive memes and dragging you to a Zumba class when you’d rather be on a Netflix binge. Tough love is the best love, right?

6. Stay Hydrated:

This one’s actually serious. Water is super important. But to keep it light, remember: if you drink enough, you’ll get to take plenty of breaks at work to use the restroom. Bonus!

7. Set Realistic Goals (Like, Not Turning into Thor in a Week):

While it would be great to wake up with the physique of a Greek god after one gym session, chances are that ain’t happening. Set goals you can actually achieve. Maybe start with, “I’ll sweat more during a workout than when eating spicy food.”

8. Track Your Progress with Dramatic Before-and-After Photos:

Take a picture of yourself now. Then, take another one after doing ten squats. See any difference? No? Well, slap on a filter, and voila! Progress. Seriously though, tracking how far you’ve come can be a major motivation boost, even if the changes are small at first.

9. Embrace the Power of the Playlist:

Music has the power to turn a grueling workout into an epic adventure. Need to run faster? Imagine zombies chasing you to the beat of ‘Eye of the Tiger.’ Trust me, you’ll break your record.

10. Understand the Importance of Rest (Aka. My Favorite Exercise):

Believe it or not, you don’t have to be in beast mode 24/7. Rest is when your body repairs and strengthens itself. So yes, those Netflix and chill days? Totally justifiable. In moderation, of course.

11. Join a Fitness Class (or Start Your Own Circus Act):

Classes like spinning, pilates, and aerial yoga can be both fun and challenging. You might end up discovering a talent you never knew you had. Like juggling… kettlebells.

12. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously:

Remember that everyone’s journey is unique. And if you can’t help but laugh when you fall out of a yoga pose or trip over your own shoelaces, then you’re doing something right. Fitness is as much about mental health and having fun as it is about getting in shape.

In the grand marathon of getting fit, it’s essential to remember that you’re doing this for yourself. Whether it’s to strut your stuff at the beach, climb a mountain, or chase after your pet tortoise who’s surprisingly fast, every reason is valid. So, tie those neon-colored sneakers, wear those galaxy-patterned leggings with pride, and embark on the fitness journey of a lifetime! And if all else fails, at least you’ll have some entertaining stories to tell at parties.

Additional Pro Tips on Getting Fit

  • Become a Master of Sneaky Exercise: Who said exercise has to be all sweat and pain? Incorporate it sneakily into your day. Dance while vacuuming, do calf raises while brushing your teeth, or lunge your way to the fridge. Before you know it, you’ll be getting fit without even realizing it!
  • Turn Chores into Challenges: Hate doing chores? Turn them into a fitness challenge! Race against the clock to finish the dishes, or see how many items you can pick up off the floor during a commercial break. It’s like a workout, but with the added bonus of a cleaner living space.
  • Embrace Technology (Or Pretend to Be a Cyborg): Fitness trackers, apps, smartwatches – use them to your advantage. Set them up to remind you to move, track your steps, or even to breathe (because sometimes I forget that too). It’s like having a tiny coach on your wrist, minus the yelling.
  • Find a Fitness Role Model (Real or Fictional): Ever wanted to fight like a superhero or run like a movie star in an action flick? Channel that energy! Having a fitness role model, whether they’re real or a character from your favorite show, can inspire you to push a little harder.
  • Create a Reward System (That Doesn’t Involve Food): Set up a reward system for reaching your goals. Did you work out five days this week? Great! Reward yourself with a movie night, a new book, or that gadget you’ve been eyeing. Just try to avoid using food as a reward; it defeats the purpose.
  • Turn It Into a Game (Gamify Your Fitness): Love video games? Turn your fitness routine into one. There are apps that make running from zombies a reality (virtually, of course) or turn your daily step count into a quest to save a kingdom. Who knew getting fit could be such an adventure?
  • Practice the Art of Mindful Eating: This isn’t about dieting; it’s about being aware of what you’re eating. Take the time to savor your food. Not only will you enjoy it more, but you’ll also be less likely to overeat.
  • Laugh More, Stress Less: Never underestimate the power of a good laugh. It’s great for mental health and can even burn a small amount of calories. Plus, it makes for a happier, more relaxed you.

The Hall of Fame for Calorie-Torching Workouts:

When it comes to burning calories, not all workouts are created equal. If you’re looking to get the most bang for your buck (or, more accurately, the most burn for your time), check out these top calorie-burning champions:

1. Running (from Responsibility): Whether you’re sprinting on a track or away from your adult responsibilities, this intense workout can burn a serious amount of calories. Plus, it’s great for when you need to catch a bus or escape a zombie apocalypse.

2. Cycling (Stationary or Real World Touring): Get those legs pedaling! Whether you’re in a spinning class or braving the great outdoors, cycling is fantastic for burning calories and pretending you’re in the Tour de France.

3. Swimming (Mermaid Training): Dive into a pool and start burning those calories. Swimming is not just a great full-body workout, it’s also a nice way to feel like a graceful mermaid or merman, even if you’re just flapping around.

4. Jump Rope (The Floor is Lava): It’s not just for kids. Jumping rope is a high-intensity workout that burns a ton of calories and makes you feel like a ninja. Just try not to trip over the rope – it’s less ninja-like.

5. HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training, or ‘Why Am I Doing This to Myself?’): Short bursts of intense exercise followed by brief rest periods. It’s like cramming a full workout into a shorter time frame. Warning: May cause you to question your life choices halfway through.

6. Rowing (Channel Your Inner Viking): A full-body scorcher that will make you feel like you’re rowing a Viking ship, minus the Viking beard and the open seas. Great for building strength and endurance.

7. Kickboxing (Punching and Kicking Imaginary Foes): Not only does it burn a lot of calories, but it’s also excellent for stress relief. Picture your troubles, and then kick them to the curb. Literally.

8. Zumba (Dance Like Nobody’s Watching – Even Though They Probably Are): Dance your way to fitness with this fun, energetic workout. It’s like a night out with friends, but in gym clothes and with a lot more structure.

9. CrossFit (The ‘I Can Lift Heavy Things’ Workout): A high-intensity workout regime that involves functional movements at a vigorous pace. It’s like preparing for an obstacle course race where the only opponent is your previous self.

10. Rock Climbing (Because Mountains Don’t Climb Themselves): This workout builds strength and endurance, and let’s not forget the thrill of conquering a wall. It’s like giving a giant rock a really aggressive hug.

Each of these workouts can be adjusted to fit your fitness level and interests. Remember, the best workout is the one you actually do, so find something that makes you feel awesome (or at least something that makes you feel less like you’re being tortured) and stick with it!

Frequently Asked (and Slightly Less Frequently Answered) Questions:

1: Do I really have to work out?

Yes, your couch will miss you, but your body will thank you. Remember, Netflix will still be there after your workout. It’s a tough love kind of relationship.

2: How often should I exercise?

Aim for at least 3-5 times a week. It’s like brushing your teeth, but for your whole body. And just like dental hygiene, more is usually better.

3: What if I don’t see results right away?

Patience, young grasshopper. Fitness is a marathon, not a sprint. Unless you’re actually sprinting, in which case, it’s definitely a sprint.

4: Is it okay to eat a whole pizza after working out?

While you might feel like you’ve earned it, try to resist the siren call of the pizza. Remember, fitness is 80% what you eat and 20% actually moving around. Or something like that.

5: How do I stay motivated?

Find a workout buddy, set realistic goals, and reward yourself (not with pizza). Also, buying fancy workout gear helps. If you look like a fitness model, you might as well act like one, right?

6: Can I turn household chores into a workout?

Absolutely! Vacuuming can be a dance party, and those groceries won’t carry themselves. It’s all about perspective. Plus, you get a clean house as a bonus.

7: What’s the best time of day to exercise?

Whenever you can. Whether you’re an early bird or a night owl, the best time is the time that fits into your schedule. Just don’t exercise in your dreams; it’s less effective.

8: Is laughing considered an ab workout?

While laughing is great for your mental health and does engage your core, relying solely on a comedy show for your six-pack might not cut it. Feel free to prove me wrong, though.

9: What should I do if I get bored with my workout routine?

Shake it up! Try a new class, change your running route, or workout in costume. Okay, maybe not the last one, unless it’s Halloween.

10: Is it normal to feel like collapsing after a workout?

Absolutely. If you feel like a graceful swan during a workout, you might not be pushing hard enough. Or you’re actually a swan, in which case, congrats!