A Not-So-Expert Guide to Keeping that Spark Alive

How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

Oh joy, here is my another relationship advice article — because that’s what the world needs, right? I will talk about the mystical world of keeping that elusive spark alive. We all have seen those couples who seem to be disgustingly in love even after decades. So I shall part the clouds of ignorance and bless you with the wisdom only seen on tacky magazine covers.

Firstly, let’s talk about the golden rule: communication. You’ve probably never heard of it, because it’s such a well-kept secret. You need to talk to your partner. Yes, using actual words. Shocking! No, telepathy doesn’t count, not even if you’ve been together for a hundred years. Although, if you have been, kudos, you’re either vampires or have discovered the fountain of youth (please share your secrets). Discuss your day, your cat’s favorite toy, the weird mole on your back — it doesn’t matter. Just talk. But please, for the love of everything holy, do not overdo it. Remember that humans have an attention span shorter than a goldfish, which is ironically not very golden.

Now let’s venture into the enchanted forest of date nights. Yes, it is as cringe-worthy as it sounds. Rekindling romance is all about “spontaneity.” But, we mere mortals need to actually schedule spontaneity — behold the paradox. So, pick a day of the week where you can pretend that you’re still as wild and free as you were in your youth. Take your partner to a fancy restaurant, or better yet, make a romantic dinner at home. But please, ensure that your culinary skills are at least slightly above catastrophic before attempting this. The aim is to light the fires of passion, not the kitchen.

Onto the realm of small gestures! You might think that to keep the spark alive, you need grand displays of affection, like skywriting “I love you” with a fleet of drones. But no, it’s the little things that count. Like, leaving a note that says “You’re hot” on the refrigerator. It’s cheap and delivers the message. Remember: romance on a budget! Also, try doing chores without being asked — a rare, almost extinct form of affection. The sight of you vacuuming might just be the equivalent of a modern-day knight in shining armor.

Gifts, gifts, gifts! What better way to express your love than through material possessions? Because nothing says “I love you” quite like a new toaster. But beware, gifting is a delicate art. Know your partner. If they’ve been eyeing that new book, it’s the perfect gift. If they’re into quirky antiques, fetch them a haunted doll from eBay — just be ready to perform an exorcism.

Did I hear someone say “adventures”? Yes, the couple that braves death together, stays together. Okay, maybe not death, but at least a semblance of adrenaline. Go on a hiking trip, try an escape room, or if you’re particularly desperate, go grocery shopping on Black Friday. The point is to create memories that you can reminisce about when you’re old and incapable of remembering what you had for breakfast.

Don’t forget the universal language of love — sarcasm. I mean, humor. Make each other laugh! Whether it’s through a witty joke or simply laughing at how the other person says “aluminum” — it’s a binding agent stronger than superglue. Plus, it’s much safer and won’t require a trip to the emergency room.

Next, the physical aspect — we couldn’t possibly leave this stone unturned. Cuddling, holding hands, and general PG-13 activities are absolutely essential. But here’s the kicker, you should also surprise them with a passionate kiss out of the blue and then casually go back to discussing your utility bills. It’s all about the element of surprise, my dear friends. One moment you’re talking about electricity, and the next, you’re generating it.

Now let’s take a sacred pilgrimage to the land of shared interests. This one is straightforward — find a hobby you can both tolerate. If your partner loves 17th-century pottery and you’re more into video games, you might be thinking that compromise is as likely as a snowstorm in the Sahara. But lo and behold, you can take turns. One day you’re getting an in-depth history of clay pots, and the next you’re teaching them how to defeat a dungeon boss. You might not care about pots, and they might not understand why you’re so excited about imaginary loot, but it’s called building character, folks. Literally, in the case of video games.

I would also like to address the elephant in the room: social media. I know it’s tempting to show off how perfect your relationship is. But maybe, just maybe, it’s not necessary to Instagram every single moment. Eat your food while it’s still hot, not after you’ve taken 300 pictures to get the right angle for #CoupleGoals. However, if you want to send a tweet to your significant other who is literally sitting next to you, be my guest. The eye roll you’ll receive is your badge of honor.

Anniversaries — or as I like to call them, the Olympics of Relationships. This is the time to go big or go home (which you probably share anyway, so you don’t have much choice). Recreate your first date, go on a weekend getaway, or simply remember the date, which for some is an achievement worthy of a Nobel Prize.

Lastly, but not leastly (that’s a word, right?), you must acknowledge and accept that sometimes the spark might feel like it’s on vacation in the Bermuda Triangle. But fret not, because it might just be taking a brief hiatus. Relationships have ebbs and flows, much like the plot of a soap opera. Don’t force it — let it be. You can’t force a toaster to be a microwave. Just be patient and understanding.

In conclusion, the sacred scrolls of Keeping the Spark Alive decree that you must communicate, make grand gestures, make small gestures, go on adventures, be spontaneous (but plan it), gift wisely, laugh, indulge in PG-13 activities, share hobbies, downplay social media, slay anniversaries, and most importantly, be cool when the spark decides to play hide and seek. Easy-peasy.

Disclaimer: Success not guaranteed. But hey, if all else fails, there’s always couple’s therapy, or you can become pirates and sail the seven seas. Yarr!